"Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step." -----Martin Luther King, Jr.
"An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet,regardless of time, place, or circumstance.The thread may stretch or tangle,but it will never break."
- ancient Chinese belief

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

you walked away

I was awakened by her crying. Hard. In the 18months that Junie's been home I can count on both hands the number of times she's woken up in the night. She's a great sleeper. So, I threw back the covers and made my way to her room. As I approached I could hear it was a big, almost frantic, cry. Unusual.

I went in to find her sitting, awake and crying. Not the lying down, still sorta sleeping, crying. I gathered her up, wrapped her in her big soft blankie and sat down with her in the rocking chair.
"What's the matter, baby?", I asked her. Then, not even knowing if she knows what a dream is, I asked her, "did you have a bad dream?"
An emphatic, "YES!"

"What happened in your dream, Junie?"

Through her tears, "walk away!"

Confused, I asked, "Walk away? Who?"
Very upset, Junie cries, "YOU walk away, Mommy!" And more big sobbing cries.

I was taken aback.

Often when Junie wakes up in the morning, before falling asleep at nap or bedtime, or even when driving in the car, I hear her repeating what I've told her countless times. "Mommy always comes back". Although she puts her own spin on it by saying, "AAAAAAALWAY Mommy come back!". It's so cute and I've always smiled and been so proud of the security this little mantra has given her.
But tonight it just hit me like a ton of bricks. She needs the reassurance. A dream of Mommy walking away can have this impact on her.

Of course it can. It's happened before. Whether she remembers or not, it's happened before.
I constantly marvel at the miracle Junie is. She is SO happy, silly, funny, feisty, smart, artistic. She is so secure. She smiles when I leave the house now and says, "see you soon, Mommy". She loves going to school and happily kisses me goodbye as she gets out of the car.
But somewhere in the depths of her mind she needs the reassurance. Don't we all?
Some just more than others.
Don't worry, Baby Girl. Mommy ALWAYS comes back.